I see the world in black and white...

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Blog Chalk
India, Female, 22, live on tonnes of books, lots of music, much more hope, some incoherent philosophising, and swear by Ayn Rand and Pink Floyd. Very stubborn and don't want to change. Trying very hard to become an engineer. In love with life... And Newton :)

Small Talk

Life in archives
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005

Blog Truths
"Can I be as I believe myself or as others believe me to be? Here is where these lines become a confession in the presence of my unknown and unknowable me, unknown and unknowable for myself. Here is where I create the legend where I must bury myself."
--Miguel De Unamuno.

Current read

Linking Park
Paperbacks: Love And Longing In Bombay -Vikram Chandra, Eleven Minutes -Paulo Coelho (Still trying! Can't get past the S&M bit. THE BOOK SUCKS!)
E-books: Da Vinci Code -Dan Brown

Thank ye!

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Saturday, May 22, 2004
Loneliness Revisited

Yeah I know that I'm supposed to be on a break and I'm supposed to be studying. But it's one of those days when I desperately need to clear my head... And one of those days when I have nowhere else to go.

It's one of those moments of desperate loneliness. And meeting Ewie followed by a longish conversation with Digz made my craving to be with like minded people only stronger.

I remember how during our school days we used to imagine how much more freedome we'll have once I get into college. College seemed like a world we could only dream of then. College was... well... Just the opposite. I have the freedom no doubt, but the freedom has come at a cost. The cost of 1, staying away from home, 2, being away from friends who'd begun to understand me and who loved me for what I was, 3, having to adjust with people I had met for the first time, people who were absolutely different from me, people who would probably take forever to understand my idiosyncracies, just like I would take forever to understand theirs. And the whole process was in a way a lot of fun initially. However 3 years down the line, it's surprising how none of us has been able to find people who are really like minded. And to add to it is the constant unhealthy competition and bitching business. It's so strange how no one has been able to find a "friend" here. I don't know if it's because we're in a professional college, or whether it's the same story everywhere.

In the first year, I used to constantly make plans of having fun every weekend only to see the plan getting foiled week after week. My idea of being sincere has never been slogging my ass off all week, weekends included. But that doesn't mean I never had the focus. Here however the scene was entirely different. Once a month after a lot of thinking, people around me would decide to "go out and have some fun". And the fun would mean going for some shitty movie, followed by a hell lot of giggling and ogling and eating ice creams. The other extreme was going to a discotheque and boozing all night. And I couldn't fit in anywhere. However in the long run I just got used to that kind of fun. Because once in the blue moon, we still do drive to Lonavla, or go bungee jumping. And these trips more or less made for my frustration otherwise.

There were times when I thought probably I was the only one who was over reacting, but recently I have come to realise that there's not one person in the entire campus who feels good about being here, who doesn't feel lonely. There's not one person who doesn't look for companionship outside the college gang... Be it in the form of older siblings staying in the same city, those 6 month long "relationships", or like in my case, blogging and blog pals. It's this desperate need to be understood and accepted for what we are, to be cared for, to be with like minded people whose idea of fun is not the exact opposite of ours, maybe sometimes even be appreciated for the efforts we make to "fit in"... And I thought these problems end with teenage.

Though in the last 3 years I've more or less gotten used to this place, sometimes the unhealthy cometition, the freaking obscurity of people who don't belong to the "overdog" category, the desperate loneliness of everyone including me gets to me.

I wonder sometimes if I'll ever miss college the way I miss school once I get out of here. Can't wait to find out actually.

Aaaah! Now I feel good to know someone has actually sat and listened to my ranting. This place has made me constantly PMSsy I guess! LOL!

Saturday, May 08, 2004
New Ton On The Blog! (Bad One.. I Know :P)

Newton finally has a blog. Click here, people... To know a litttttle more about this wonderful man in my life. :)

Saturday, May 01, 2004
That Time Of The Year

My blog and I are taking a long break... Exams from May 24th (most probably) and needless to add, I haven't exactly studied much yet. And believe me "not much" is an understatement!

And the lab's going to be closed for upgradation till May 18th. So there!

Before signing off, my message to womanhood:
If you haven't gotten those eyebrows threaded in over a month, the best idea would be to let it grow. Because the pain isn't really worth it. And secondly, DON'T EVER GET YOUR UPPER LIP THREADED. I can't stop crying ever since I made that mistake. Never again, my friends, never again! I don't mind looking like a human-bear for the rest of my life!

So until we meet again, keep the faith. And BE GOOD! :) And wish me luck. Heaven knows I need it!