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Blog Chalk
India, Female, 22, live on tonnes of books, lots of music, much more hope, some incoherent philosophising, and swear by Ayn Rand and Pink Floyd. Very stubborn and don't want to change. Trying very hard to become an engineer. In love with life... And Newton :)

Small Talk

Life in archives
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005

Blog Truths
"Can I be as I believe myself or as others believe me to be? Here is where these lines become a confession in the presence of my unknown and unknowable me, unknown and unknowable for myself. Here is where I create the legend where I must bury myself."
--Miguel De Unamuno.

Current read

Linking Park
Paperbacks: Love And Longing In Bombay -Vikram Chandra, Eleven Minutes -Paulo Coelho (Still trying! Can't get past the S&M bit. THE BOOK SUCKS!)
E-books: Da Vinci Code -Dan Brown

Thank ye!

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Monday, September 27, 2004
Hello Again!

It's the longest weekend I've had in recent times. And an especially quiet one. Of course my princie had all plans of calling us poor things to the concentration camp called college on Sunday (Naaah! That's not a typo. Bloody college on Sunday "on lieu to completing term work and syllabus" as if what they "teach" in our "haven of knowledge" is of any consequence to us!), but then you can't tie down a free soul for too long. So we obviously mass bunked on Sunday. Some inconsequential morons went to college of course. But then that's as good as nobody attending. 3 day weekend! I could have had a hookah in Cafe Mocha this weekend, and gone shopping to Linking Road, and could still be back just in time to attend college.

All my friends and roomies and most of my floormates and classmates and telephone booth friends, and water cooler friends and TV room friends and attendance friends and night out form filling friends and net lab friends and localite friends are out of town. And I have a princely 40 bucks in my wallet and zilch in the account. So of course I have nothing to do, apart from munching on chocolates that a DORMANT BLOGGER called Maddie brought for me when I met her at Pune station for 20 measly minutes on Sunday. Now that was a high point of course. :) Come again Maddie... I want more chocolates:D

Oh and one of the cloooooosest (sic) friends my auntie-wannabe-babe (AWB) roomie is in town. So on Saturday evening I was taking a small walk outside the canteen after ordering a single half fry palti. That's when I AWB walking towards me with a guy wearing mustard shirt and white trousers and hold your breath... a maroon bead in a black thread around his neck. Of course I comfortably became invisible in the realms of my cellphone, frantically locking and unlocking the keypad, trying to avoid any introductions there. But my hopes shattered when I heard a very screechy "Hi Tammiiiieeee!". I looked up and pretended to be surprised and all. I knew what was coming. "Tammie, this is Mustard Shirt. Mustard Shirt, Tammie". I was immediately at my "I-will-shake-hands-with-you-and-give-you-my-brightest-smile" best. And I'm not exaggerating but the hand that came forward was trembling. Guys, do I really look that scary? HMPH! Mustard Shirt was one of those guys who avoid any eye contact with women. And needless to add, I hate such men. Anyways so I asked him if he liked Pune, thinking what was there to like since he had only seen Pune station and our college till then. And "of course" was his reply. Heh! Must be Mowgli's grandson from the jungles. As a filler AWB told me that he'd brought some amazing collection of music FOR ME! For me? Hain? AWB explained that it was the kind of music she doesn't listen to. Not boybands. Hmmm... So I asked him what kind of music he'd brought, half expecing him to say Britney and Shakira. He proudly told me "Englis" (mind the absence of an "H" there!) and two drops of saliva from his mouth flew threateningly towards me. I'd had it. I had to get away from there. I told them I was hungry and had to go to the canteen. And I turned around, walked two steps, and then promptly broke into fits of laughter. And since I haven't learnt the art of being discreet, AWB and Mustard Shirt noticed it. SHEEESH!

Anyways this morning AWB came to the hostel with some cds and asked if I wanted to rip any of them. And Mustard Shirt is forgiven for his pathetic dress sense and those two drops of saliva, because I got an amazing collection... Tom Petty, Moody Blues, The Carpenters, Credence Clearwater Revival, Celtic Spirit, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, Neil Diamond (Now you know where the subject line comes from!) and the likes. Hmmmm. :D
Moral Of The Story: Never judge a man's taste in music by what he wears and how much he salivates! :P

I'm booked for weeks. I can listen to Tom Petty and Neil Diamond for the rest of my life. I only need my car and a little rain. And life would be ideal. :) Not that it looks too bad right now. :D

Edited to add: Newton says that this post needs editing. A case of missing prepositions and all. I'm too lazy to read the whole thing again. Kindly adjust. :D

Thursday, September 23, 2004
Frozen Tears

I suddenly crave for the times when tears came easily to me. Harsh words, a terrible day in college, desperate loneliness... And a tiny drop of tear was all it took for me to feel better.

But lately my tears seem to have dried up. No matter how bad things get, all I get is that terrible feeling of frozen tears stuck somewhere... Waiting to burst.

The last two years were probably the worst ever, both academically and personally. First I got used to being constantly low and and lonely, and then I got completely sick and tired of it. The idea of being low and crying began to repel me. And I guess it has taken a toll on me.

I was never capable of pretending to be happy. That still hasn't changed. But I never cried too easily either. And on those odd days... nights rather, when I actually did, I used to feel so much lighter.

Now when I feel blue, I withdraw into my cocoon, maybe stare at those stars... Listen to the sound of silence... And eventually fall asleep. Lonely... Unheard... Quiet...

I sometimes wonder if I've become too strong for my own good. Wonder how it would feel to just let go and let those tears flow unabashed?

Tuesday, September 14, 2004
I'm A Rock

... That's what I want to believe at least... :)

Are 3 days enough to make you forget habits you've acquired over 21 long years of your life?

Then why does loneliness feel like a new emotion today?

Edited to add: Can you guys see my last post called The Objective "I", dated Sep8th or 9th? I can't see it, and it's irritatting me. :

Wednesday, September 08, 2004
The Objective "I"

I live my life for myself. Is it such a bad thing after all? My choices, decisions are my own, I have my own priorities. And I know myself well enough to understand my calibre.

I need to work really hard to be above average. Success was never served to me one a platter the way it was to some of them. I've had my share of failures, and I CANNOT repeat my follies.

I prefer catching up on sleep or studying, instead of dancing to "Babuji zara dheere chalo", not only because the music makes NO sense to me but also because I have a bloody exam the next day. Does that make me weird? Or paranoid?

I never question why they slog their asses off on weekends, when all I can think of is gallivanting, or better still, sleeping. Then why am I expected to be answerable to certain morons I don't even know, and would never bother to either?

I'm not asking them to "understand" me... That's way too much to ask for. But why can't they just stop caring?

Sunday, September 05, 2004
The Long And Winding Road...

Amidst innumerous highs and lows, ups and downs, "smiling depressions", drastic moodswings, howling laughter, uncontrolled tears, unforgettable meetings, newfound relationships, and a lot of chaos, I've finally completed one year of blogging... Cheers to you guys, and cheers to life! :)

WHOA! I should have been in politics, man! I'm good at speeches! Now that I'm done with it, LET THE PARTYYYYY BEGIN! :D