I see the world in black and white...

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Blog Chalk
India, Female, 22, live on tonnes of books, lots of music, much more hope, some incoherent philosophising, and swear by Ayn Rand and Pink Floyd. Very stubborn and don't want to change. Trying very hard to become an engineer. In love with life... And Newton :)

Small Talk

Life in archives
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005

Blog Truths
"Can I be as I believe myself or as others believe me to be? Here is where these lines become a confession in the presence of my unknown and unknowable me, unknown and unknowable for myself. Here is where I create the legend where I must bury myself."
--Miguel De Unamuno.

Current read

Linking Park
Paperbacks: Love And Longing In Bombay -Vikram Chandra, Eleven Minutes -Paulo Coelho (Still trying! Can't get past the S&M bit. THE BOOK SUCKS!)
E-books: Da Vinci Code -Dan Brown

Thank ye!

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Sunday, October 31, 2004
In Darkness

In Darkness

"Must all of worth be travailed for, and those
Life's brightest stars rise from a troubled sea?
Must years go by in sad uncertainty
Leaving us doubting whose the conquering blows,
Are we or Fate the victors? Time which shows
All inner meanings will reveal, but we
Shall never know the upshot. Ours to be
Wasted with longing, shattered in the throes,
The agonies of splendid dreams, which day
Dims from our vision, but each night brings back;
We strive to hold their grandeur, and essay
To be the thing we dream. Sudden we lack
The flash of insight, life grows drear and gray,
And hour follows hour, nerveless, slack."

-Amy Lowell - In Darkness

One of those depressing "I-don't-know-where-I'm-going-I-don't-know-where-I-want-to-go" phases.

I honestly feel that inspite of everything I'm doing, I'm wasting my life running after things I don't want. But I don't have the guts to quit the race and do what I want to. Even if I did, what's the point since I don't even know what I want.

Sometimes I am tempted to take the easiest way out.

Thursday, October 28, 2004
Dreamin My Dreams

What's with me??? This is what I dreamt yesterday.

This guy called Keiser Soze gets married to a multi millionaire in Netherlands, and divorces her after a year and a half because she doesn't like cheese. (Yeah beat that!)

So one fine day (oh wait... I think it was night) he comes across a man who calls himself Karmic Yogini who he becomes great pals with, only to later realise that Karmic Yogini is his illegitimate father.

Imagine having a father who calls himself Karmic Yogini and posts private YM chats on blogs! Like father like son I tell you! Father posts YM conversations and son goes two steps ahead of him and posts giant size private emails. And that's not all, he even adds his reply to every fooking line, just to add to the trouble of his readers. Heh heh heh! Oh and both of them have accomplished adult women across the world getting jealous of other women being the object of their affection. Lucky father-son duo, eh?

Anyways I think I've been reading too many blogwars, or even blogs for that matter... And watching too many saas bahu soaps with Ma. LOL!

man I quit mna... i raelly do mna...

Disclaimer: I don't "make up" dreams.... This is really what I dreamt of last night, although it sound unbelievable even to me. LOL! You believe me, don't you "bhaiya" (not you this time, Toro:P Prats neither. :D)?

Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Linking Park

Ladies and Gentlemen,

After months of depending on other people's blogrolls to save myself the trouble of having to type those url's, I decided to create a new blog for myself... Let me present before you, Linking Park! *APPPPLAUSE*

Thursday, October 21, 2004

"When boys meant "yuck"and friends were new
Dreams were unshattered and worries few
When recess was too short and life too long

Decisions came easy without the need to belong
When storks delivered babies and passions weren't so strong

Friendships were unbroken right was right, wrong was wrong
When bad things didn't happen and only skinned knees brought tears

And the nightlight in it's socket silenced all fears
When farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part

And fun went on forever and never left a broken heart."

Why doesn't life come with a rewind button?

Monday, October 18, 2004
Having A Blast

Sounds like a real lame title for a post about a fab evening. But then that's a fab song. :D Green Day... Just in case.

For the last couple of days we'd been looking longingly at all those advertisements of dandiya events in all those clubs for the upwardly mobile in Pune Times. And then I read this, and I knew I just HAD to do it!

So yeah, Sunday was Dandiya time. The preparations began some 3 days earlier, with all of us scamperting all over the hostel looking for jewellery that would go with borrowed clothes and vice versa. Somehow every time we have to go out for a major bash, what we already have doesn't seem exotic enough. This year I was hellbent upon proving some of my collegemates and hostelmates wrong. For some strange reason they think I'm some sort of a tomboy, which I'm not by the way, unless tomboy is synonmous with being loud. Which I am. :"> So I had decided to take all the pains to dress up... Make up and all that.

Anyways dissatisfied with whatever the girls in the hostel had to offer, I chucked the whole idea of borrowing jewellery. And decided to decide 5 minutes before leaving. On Sunday afternoon, all hell broke loose when Shabby called to tell us that the place our planner and my "jaaaaanu" (screamed in a verrrreeee screechy voice for the real effect:D) for the time being had suggested did not have any dandiya that day. Frantic calls to all city clubs followed, and there was just one event happening. And the place is toooo far away for us. So much to our sadness, we had to decide upon this place called Siddhi Gardens. All our hopes of ogling seemed to have been efficiently flushed down the drain.

But the good part was that the plan still stood and at least we were going! So we left the hostel at 7, all dressed up and everything. Reached the event at 7:30. Now my Jaaaaaanu (For the uninformed, Newton and jaaaaanu are two different people) has :D this fixation for getting discounts at every frikking event. So here too they spent a good 45 minutes bugging the organisers and got us a princely discount of 10 bucks per person. So much for thoughtfulness! Idiot!

Around 8:30, we FINALLY entered the venue, and the fun began. We were 16 of us, and after 3 years of college, half of us didn't "officially" know each other. Although we had made fun of them at some point or the other. I guess that was the reason for so much hitting and falling. LOL!
The music wasn't the kind I would die for. They didn't play Dhoom and I'll never forgive them for that! But the evening was probably the best I've spent in recent times. It's amazing how we always manage to shed our inhibitions at a place like this. I mean I have two left feet and I know that. But at times like these I just don't care! And it feels good.

The dance was followed with a small prize giving ceremony and a whole lot of nautanki! We had to unwillingly leave the venue a little after 11:30. And I was wishing we were in Ahmedabad. WHY COULDN'T PUNE HAVE ALL NIGHT DANDIYA? x(

Dance was followed by dinner, and some more of nautanki. Something had gone terribly wrong with me yesterday. It was one of those days when I lock my mind in my cupboard before going out, and invariably ALWAYS regret it 24 hours later. I'm not done with my laughing fits yet, so obviously the regret is still to happen. :D

I'm realllly sleepy. Probably that is why my post isn't half as much fun as last evening. But I guess you get the idea. :D

So in a nutshell, last evening was fun. But it wasn't enough.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Not A Great Day For Freedom

With due apologies to Pink Floyd.

The recent developments in my life have been way too overwhelming. But like Equinox told me, someone up there is not quite happy with how strong I already am and wants me to get stronger.

So yet another struggle begins. And this time the fight is against the system, the powers that be. If nothing else, I'll emerge stronger.

Sunday, October 03, 2004
It's Been A Hard Day's Night...

.. And I'd been working like a dog!
-The Beatles

Apt song that. I'd been really busy over the last couple of days. Submission time is probably the worst few days in the entire semester. Although this time I'd been pretty regular in completing my journal assignments, much to the surprise of my profs and awe (Yeah! Like I wish!) of my classmates, there was still tonnes to do at the end, although it was nothing compared to the first year when I cried thrice during submissions and second year, when I lost 7 pens and 17 corrected print outs. A few things however continue to astound me after three years of engineering...

... How my pens just disappear from my table when I stop writing for like 15 odd minutes.

... How I ALWAYS manage to lose a corrected assignment one day before final submission.

... How my otherwise decent handwriting goes for a toss when I write my journal assignments, which are supposed to be the neatest pages in an engineer's life!

... Why the famous Thursday power cuts get worse when I have a project submission the next day.
... Why the weather is at its worst when I so much work.

... Why a perfect program stops executing just when I decide to take the print out of the output.

... Why I am always hungry when I don't have time to eat.

... Why the printer runs out of ink/starts playing not-so-amusing pranks when I'm in a hurry to take print outs.

... Why girls are such bitches, and guys such morons!

Murphy, I worship you for being with me during the most turbulent times. HMPH!