I see the world in black and white...

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Blog Chalk
India, Female, 22, live on tonnes of books, lots of music, much more hope, some incoherent philosophising, and swear by Ayn Rand and Pink Floyd. Very stubborn and don't want to change. Trying very hard to become an engineer. In love with life... And Newton :)

Small Talk

Life in archives
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005

Blog Truths
"Can I be as I believe myself or as others believe me to be? Here is where these lines become a confession in the presence of my unknown and unknowable me, unknown and unknowable for myself. Here is where I create the legend where I must bury myself."
--Miguel De Unamuno.

Current read

Linking Park
Paperbacks: Love And Longing In Bombay -Vikram Chandra, Eleven Minutes -Paulo Coelho (Still trying! Can't get past the S&M bit. THE BOOK SUCKS!)
E-books: Da Vinci Code -Dan Brown

Thank ye!

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Saturday, November 27, 2004

Today I will rant, tomorrow's might be another day.

I don't know what I want out of life. Not career wise, not relationship wise.

The only thing I know is that I don't like the way my life is going. I don't like the uncertainties.

I'm rotting in hell. I need to bail myself out as soon as possible.

ARGH I'm sick of myself!

Double ARGH I'm F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D!

Fucked Up On Life
-- The Mr T Experience

I don't have many friends
Just some pretty loose and dead ends
Even one can be a bit much for me

And they call me but I never end up calling them back
They lose patience as I lose track
I don't care anymore
If I ever did before
But I'm not really paying attention
People say what reflects well on them
And everyone's lying like rugs
And everyone thinks I'm on drugs
But I'm just
Fucked up on life

Cause it doesn't add up
And I never know what should be done
I know I'm far from the only one
I stay out of the fray
I figure I do less damage that way
I'm outstanding in my field
And all I ever want to do is just get plowed
I always feel outnumbered in a crowd
And if the truth be known
I feel outnumbered when I'm all alone
If you're wondering why there's no affect
When I speak,
When you look in my eyes
I couldn't begin to explain
I'm almost perfectly sane
But I'm just
Fucked up on life

I'm just fucked up,

Fucked up on life
oo oo oo
ah na na na na

Dum dum day
I never know what I should do or say
When words fail me
I react reciprocally
I'm just
Fucked up on life
I'm just fucked up,
Fucked up on life

Disclaimer- I've never heard this song. Just googled for "fucked up life lyrics" and copy pasted one of the first things I saw. *grin* Just realised that I don't even relate to half the things in the song. But won't take it off, for the sake of the other half, and the title of the song. :P Maybe I'm just B-O-R-E-D!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Bridge Over Troubled Waters

For how long will I live other people's mistakes?

For how long will I be punished for the crimes I never committed?

For how long will I be a failure, inspite have putting in my best, just because some people don't know how to do their jobs?

For how long will I be the liveliest, happiest person around just because it is expected of me?

How long...

Sometimes I'm tempted to believe in reincarnation and sins of past lives being punished in the present life. But like always, I will be reasonable. I just need some time.

Today I give in, tomorrow might be different. Tonight I will hug myself to sleep. Because nobody except myself can give me the reassurance I need today. A year ago, I wanted to sing this to a friend. He didn't let me. I never understood why. Today I do.

Bridge Over Troubled Waters
--Simon & Garfunkel

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry
them all;
I'm on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Thursday, November 18, 2004
The Doomsday Conspiracy

The planning had begun 2 months in advance. They'd decided to take revenge. They'd decided to play Bombing The City with their alma mater.

Various strategies, locations were being planned. Some said the school playground, some suggested the dustbin right behind the principal's office. Some suggested one of the classrooms, while others suggested Julie Hall or the PTA auditorium. They finally decided upon the 3rd floor washroom. After all most of the "important" classrooms were on that floor.

2 days before the event frantic calls were exchanged. They had last minute apprehensions. They felt eerie. After all it's not everyday that 7 girls from the best all girls convent in the state decide to forget all values they learnt all of their school lives. The 7 of them were the best students in the school. All rounders all of them. But teenage angst probably got the better of them.

Finally the day dawned. The last day of school before a week long Diwali vacation. She and her friend Irene were the chosen ones. They were supposed to perform the final operation. At 9:30 am, when they were ideally supposed to be in the computer lab coding for their class 12 project, she and Irene walked down to the washroom. They were both shaken by the though of what was coming. While she stayed outside to keep a watch, Irene went inside the washroom. The bomb was timed. They had a good 20 minutes to rush back to the lab and pretend nothing had happened.

Some 20 minutes later, the explosion happened. It shook the school building. For the first time in the history of Notre Dame Academy, a chocolate bomb had been timed to perfection using an incense stick. According to the principal, it shook the very foundation of the school (literally yes, but she meant it metaphorically:|) and questioned the ethics of her students. How? The question remains unanswered. LOL!

After Diwali vacations, the 7 of them were suspended for 14 whole days. And the rest of class 12 for 2 days. Their fault? All of them knew exactly what was happening and and who did it. But we believed in unity. Still do. It took Irene, obviously a weak link in the same group of 7, to break down in front of her mother, also a teacher in the same school. And that was how we came into the picture. Gosh you can't even trust mothers these days! LOL!

The only regret the 7 of them have till date is the fact that they missed their last Annual Children's Day Rock Concert in school, which was during their suspension period, and their batch wasn't even allowed to go for the St Michael's socials that year on "disciplinary grounds". AAARGH! The poooor Michaelite hunks missed the pleasure of dancing with us Damians. Their loss entirely. Now this got us more flak than the fame that the explosion had brought us!

Thank God for the forgiveness that my school preaches and practices, the princie still gives me cookies when I meet her for Christmas every year. And inspite of our "grave sin", during the farewell party 2 months later all 7 of us got all the nice titles we deserved, including Miss Portia (that was me me me!) and Miss Bookworm and SportsStar and even Miss NDA! And 4 of us even made it to the school merit list that year (not me not me not me! :">). LOL!

I'm so proud of that bombing feat that I sometimes wish I could put it on my CV! :D

Notre Dame rocks, Damians ROCK, even the nuns rock! :D

Disclaimer: Had been wanting to write this ever since I saw my sis getting dressed for her annual rock show this 14th. Finally did it when I happened to meet my Chem teacher from school and she still called me The Terrorist! LOL! Ah and I desperately wanted to write this story like one of Pleo's 4 part suspense stories. But me not good at those. I should stick to bursting crackers around. :">

Friday, November 12, 2004
Sweets, Light, and A Song In My Heart

Lit diyas...
Wore new clothes...
Made rangolis... (Actually helped my sis do that!)
Prayed hard...
Burst crackers...
Burst more crackers
Wished friends... And missed them too...
Clicked pics...
And then

And had the time of my life! I love festivals. For the feeling they leave me with... :)

And a new template too... I LOVE it! This is what happens when my favourite designer in the whole wide world sets his heart to something! Do I need more reason to adore my Prince Charming? :D Pics courtesy Prats... Thanks kiddo! :) Btw don't forget to refresh the page a few times. That's where the real surprise lies! :D

I'm in love with world today! And I'm just as tired. Am off to dream my happy dreams. :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Happy Diwali! :) Posted by Hello

This Diwali is special, I'm celebrating diwali with my family after 3 years. And it's a wonderful feeling. Hope your diwali's just as great. :)

Peace, lights, and happiness. :)

Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Grooming Myself

Gymming and learning how to cook sound like two entirely contradictory things, don't they?

Nope, they don't! For the last 1 week, I've been experimenting with everything I find in the refrigerator and the kitchen. And I never realised cooking can be so much fun, especially if you aren't expected to be amazing at it!

Pepper chicken (without a drop of oil... Is that a feat or what?), daal tadka (WITHOUT ghee :D), all kinds of brown bread sandwiches. And a whole lot of things I haven't thought names for yet. And ALL low cal! No cholestrol problems for the man I grow old with! LOL!

It's all good... And come to think of it, I'm actually not so bad at it. In fact for starters, I'm pretty good. :D And I DON'T hate cooking. It was all in the mind!

I rock babeah! TOTALLY!

Friday, November 05, 2004
The Company Of Women

There are 5 categories of women in the gym that I go to. Extremely typical women these. One look at them, and you know where they belong.

1. The gym instructors, who are paid to sit on the jumping cot and change the music from bad to worse to bad to worse. They are dressed in red chequered tops and black trousers. Now tell me something, how does the gym owner expect them to work out in those clothes? Probably that's the sole reason behind the perrenial sleepy look on their faces.

2. The "I'm-getting-married-next-month-so-I'm-allowed-to-blush-without-reason" types. Usually from one of the better schools in Patna, these women are graduates, sometimes postgraduates and their sole aim in life is to get married, cook, and blush at the drop of a hat. Also they think it's their birthright to lie down on the body-cycling machine, and NOT cycle at all. Instead they spend endless minutes just lying there sending messages to their fiances or friends (calling them boyfriends in public, even if they are not engaged, is way too flabbergasting!" or giggling endlessly into the phone. But when they exercise, they have this urgency on their faces, probably because they have their eyes set on those pretty lahangas they saw when they last went to Patna Market/Delhi/Mumbai. EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!

3. The "My-hubby-is-the-richest-man-in-town-and-I'm-from-a-"convent school" " types. All they ever talk about is boutiques all over the town and make up. Of the only kind of conversation I imagine when I see them is "Oooooooo Mrs XYZ, that's a lovely solitaire you are wearing!"
"Oooooooh you like it? "He" got it for me last Valentines!" They wear the skimpiest of tops, and tightest of shorts, irrespective of their body types, and are very prompt in mentioning which school their children study in, and which one of their cars will pick them up that day. Also their oh-so-silent Nokia 7280s that are used only to click their snaps on the treadmills. Can you beat that?

4. The very typical overgrown aunties who keep tripping off the treadmill because they don't want to wear anything apart from saris and those looooong mangalsutras, irrespective of the fact that they just CANNOT exercise in those clothes. And their favourite topic of discussion is "anchaar-papad".

5. This who just got done with her course in Fashion Designing, and is helping her dad in his export business while looking for another job somewhere close to home because her parents are old and she's the only child. One hell of a girl. Really funny, and an awful dancer. No airs whatsoever. And no solitaires either! LOL! And then this middle-aged lady, who's got the body of a 15 year old. She puts us 20 somethings to shame when she starts dancing. Works for a bank in town, and is one amazing woman! And very very funny and friendly too. I adore her. These are ofcourse the nicer women in the gym.

Oh and did I tell you I'm pally with all the types mentioned above? :D

Wednesday, November 03, 2004
S & M

The ordeal has begun, it's a struggle against my own body. It's a fight against inertia.

The concept is sadistic.

It's masochistic.

It's painful.

It's as good as being in a concentration camp.

And all my muscles are screaming, pleading rather, asking me to stop. Physical pain, exhaustion, torture. All synonymous with gymming. Yeah I finally started gymming last Saturday. And I won't stop till I lose that flab.

Because all said and done, I'm having a gala time... Boybands during aerobics not withstanding!

Swimming adds to the fun. I'm having the time of my life!

Cindy Crawford, go take a walk. I have arrived! :D:D:D